Sharing Jenny's Story, Helping Others

Crompton-Tetter uses her listening skills and sense of humor when working with teens.

I don’t lecture or go into theories or statistics,” says Victoria Crompton-Tetter (MA ‘95). “When I speak to professionals, parents, and teens, I give a brief description of Jenny’s story and the resulting journey it sent me on. I talk about what experts used to think about causes of teen dating violence, and I expand the information I learned while researching my book.”

Jenny Crompton was a confident 15-year-old girl—beautiful, intelligent, and outgoing—but one afternoon during homecoming season, her ex-boyfriend, Mark Smith, confronted her in her home and killed her.

Vicki Crompton-Tetter, Jenny’s mother, has devoted the 16 years since Jenny’s death to speaking out on the topic of teen dating violence and abuse. Dating violence affects at least 65 percent of teen relationships today, and Crompton-Tetter wants parents to know that this type of controlling behavior does happen to teens even if, fortunately, most of us do not see the same irreversible outcome that the Tetters did with Jenny.

Crompton-Tetter's book provides meaningful advice.

In Saving Beauty from the Beast: How to Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship, Crompton-Tetter and her co-author Ellen Zelda Kessner confront the issue of teen dating abuse, try to explain why it happens, and provide parents with the tools they need to uncover and stop abuse.

Eight years after Jenny’s death the process of forgiveness started for Crompton-Tetter on the Oprah Winfrey Show, where, by satellite, she confronted her daughter’s killer for the first time. Crompton-Tetter had previously sought permission from the state of Iowa to speak with Jenny’s killer. Initially the state said no, but after seeing a copy of the Oprah show, they offered Crompton-Tetter an opportunity to meet with him through the Restorative Justice Program.

At 44 years old, Crompton-Tetter’s acceptance into The University of Iowa’s Counselor Education program was a life-changing event. As a mom with a full-time job who drove 60 miles in to campus every day from Davenport, Crompton-Tetter says, “the supportive and understanding faculty were an invaluable source of strength.”

Still, the day that Crompton-Tetter was accepted, she cried—wondering why was she the one who was able to go because after all, it was Jenny who had planned to attend The University of Iowa. It always made Crompton-Tetter’s success at Iowa bitter-sweet.

“It should have been Jenny,” she said.

There are many parallels to be drawn between abusive teen relationships and abusive adult relationships. The difference for teens is that not only do they face enormous social pressure to have a boyfriend in order to achieve status among peers, but they are also inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. Paradoxically, it is often the girls with the highest self-esteem, the girls who do well in school and are respected by their peers, who are most vulnerable to the abuse of controlling boyfriends.       

Crompton-Tetter works hard to offer parents sound advice to empower their daughters.

“As those of us working in education know all too well, teenagers are still developing emotionally—they are impulsive, rebellious, and often belligerent or uncommunicative with their parents,” she said. “Though teen girls may be resourceful, smart, and capable, they simply are not equipped to identify and break the bonds of damaging relationships without help and guidance.”

When Crompton-Tetter speaks to teens, she brings Jenny to life for them.

“I want them to recognize that she was very much like all of them. I talk about her relationship with Mark, telling real stories of conversations with Jenny, actions Jenny took, and the advice of her friends,” she said. “I don’t gloss over her death. I provide enough information to underscore the brutality and also the terrible loss to her friends and family.”

Crompton-Tetter currently works as a crisis counselor for homeless teens at the John Lewis Community Services Youth Emergency Shelter in Davenport. Jason Franklin, the shelter’s service coordinator, says Crompton-Tetter has all the skills of a good counselor.

“Vicki enjoys her job. She loves working with kids and it shows in everything she does,” Franklin said. “She is not only dependable, she’s a great listener. She’s supportive and encouraging, and most of all, she has a terrific sense of humor, which is beneficial when working with teenagers and in crisis counseling.”

Thanks to Crompton-Tetter’s uncommon bravery and drive, these sensitive issues are subjects of discussion today. People like Crompton-Tetter bring concrete, positive change to the individuals who need it most.

Vicki Crompton-Tetter’s articles have appeared in Redbook Magazine, Teen Magazine, Seventeen, and others. She has appeared on several national television shows, including The Oprah Winfery Show, The Today Show, 60 Minutes, Montel Williams, Sally Jesse Raphael, and Geraldo.